Register Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were these two college students who needed one more class to graduate. Tom was going over to the college to register and Bob said "register me for the easiest class you can find, something like underwater basket weaving...". Tom goes over to the college and is reading the class guide when one of the advisors comes up to him and asks if he can help. Tom explains the situation and the advisor suggests that the two young men take a class called "Relative Theory". Tom says "I don't know, that sounds pretty hard, we were looking for something really easy". The advisor replies "Well son, let me give you an example... Lets say you asked the question do you have a lawn mower? And the person answers yes, you could assume that this person probably has grass and if they have grass then they probably live in a house or condo - right?" Tom says "Yes, that makes since". Then the advisor says "If they live in a house or condo, you could more...

/* * Microsoft marketing algorithm. */ #include #include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include /* For the court of law */ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WHO_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version void main() { if (latest_window_version > one_month_old) { if (there_are_still_bugs) market(bugfix); if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION); } while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) { make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */ if (rumours_grow_wilder) make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) { market_time=ripe; say("It will be ready in one month); order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); vapourware = TRUE; break; } } switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) more...

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size
condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him. She asked him what size, and he
stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did, she gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said,"One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought more...

Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm - a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly more...

A woman goes into Wal- Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the cash register . A Wal - Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on.
She says," Excuse me, sir, can you tell me any thing about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everthing about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "The rod and reel is $20."
She says," That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register. Just then, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her; being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says,"That more...

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her husband. She doesn't know which one to get, so she goes to the cash register. There's a Wal-Mart employee standing there with sunglasses on. She says,
"Excuse me, sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell
you everything about it". She doesn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all-around rod and reel and it's
$20." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register. She bends
down to get her purse and she farts. At first she's embarassed but then realizes that there's no way he would know it was her because being blind, he wouldn't more...

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".
She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could more...