Lab Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Why have scientists begun to use lawyers instead of lab rats for research?
    Two reasons: first, they are more plentiful than rats, second, the researchers don’t get as attached to them.

    One problem, though, is that no one has been able to extrapolate the test results to human beings.


    C’mon Guys! That’s only half the joke about researchers, lab rats and lawyers. There are four, well-known reasons why researchers prefer lawyers to rats:

    1. Lawyers are more plentiful. (You got this one.)

    2. They are easier to train.

    3. Researchers don’t get attached to them. (You got this one, too.)

    4. There are some things a rat won’t do.

    A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30, 000+, and has $400. 00+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on. Remember it's all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill... Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand more...

    At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes it very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

    Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe; as it happens, in Transylvania.

    They're driving a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It's late, and raining very hard. Bob can barely see 10 feet in front of the car.

    Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her head bleeding.

    Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

    Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.

    A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and more...

    Lab Reports
    (to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

    Dashing through the lab
    with a tan page lab report
    Taking all those tests
    and laughing at them all
    Bells for fire drills ring
    making spirits bright
    What fun it is to laugh and sing
    a chemistry song tonight.

    Oh, lab report, lab reports,
    reacting all the way
    Oh what fun it is to study
    for a chemistry test today, Hey!

    Chemistry test, chemistry test
    isn't it a blast
    Oh what fun it is to take
    a chemistry test and pass.

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