Governor Jokes / Recent Jokes
As governor, Bush got to act ceremonially as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap, Bush pulled over a farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that kept buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some trouble with those circle flies there, are ya, sir?"
Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well, yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies."
So the farmer said, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of horses."
Bush said, "Oh," and went back to writing the ticket. After a minute, he stopped and slowly said, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's more...
Arkansas Governor Application First name: ___________________Last name(if known): _______________________Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i. e., sister): __________________Birthdate(yours): ____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck: ____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name: __________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is more...
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."
The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more...
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the popes authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it. The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is m ore important than the President?!"The more...
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
“So, what is it? ” grumbled the governor.
“Judge Garber has just died” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place. ”
The governor replied: “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the undertaker. ”
Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women, up from almost none a year ago.
- Detroit News article
Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee
- Toronto Star headline
Publicize your business absolutely free! Send $6.
- Entrepreneur Magazine ad
Gators To Face Seminoles With Peters Out
- The Tallahassee Bugle
Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs
- The Anchorage, Alaska Times
Married Priests In Catholic Church A Long Time Coming
- The New Haven, Connecticut Register
Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity To Goose Hunters
- The Tallahassee Democrat
Would She Climb To The Top Of Mr. Everest Again? Absolutely!
- The Houston Chronicle
Governor's Penis Busy [should be "Pen Is"]
- The New Haven, Connecticut Register
Thanks To President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
- The Arkansas Plainsman
Clinton Places Dickey In Gore's Hands
- Bangor Maine News
Starr Aghast more...
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."
Replied the governor "Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker."