Gas Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two employees form the gas company were at a house call. The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you''re old!"

"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.

"How about a foot race to see if you''re right," said the younger employee.

With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner. As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an elderly woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them. The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I''d better run too!"

1. You've ever cut your grass and found a car. 2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. 3. You think the stock market has a fence around it. 4. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in-Theater. 5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. 6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 7. You own a homemade fur coat. 8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns. 9. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so Ican take a bath." 11. You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as "the day my ship came in." 12. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. 13. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 14. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 15. Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call fromthe Governor to spare a loved one. 16. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hallbecause of her language. 17. Someone more...

Legend has it that football great Bronco Nagurski opened a gas station upon retirement from the NFL.
A visitor to town asked whether or not he was successful.
"Once someone gets gas from Bronco, they never go anyplace else", a local told him.
"Is the service that good?" asked the visitor.
"No, not really." said the local.
"Does he have the best price?"
"About the same as everybody else."
"Then the gas must be better."
"No, it's just regular gas."
"Then why does everyone keep coming back to Bronco?"
"Because when Bronco Nagurski puts your gas cap on, no one but Bronco Nagurski can get it back off."

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters' 'U.F.O.'' printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked' 'Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?'' The alien answered,' 'No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!''

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old. The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Are n't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, more...

Some of you may not find these at all funny but their is defintely a demographic that loves them. We decided to just collect as many as possible and throw them all onto one page. Enjoy! Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mamma's so fat her clothes have stretch marks. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mamma's so fat, she has two for meats and one for vegetables. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mamma's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mamma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mamma's so fat, her belt size is equator. Yo mamma's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mamma's so fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her. Yo mamma's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party. Yo mamma's more...

The Top 10 Signs Your Dentist Is Crazy

Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.

His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders"

Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.

Does an extensive search for cavities... dental and body.

He... ummm.. licks his tools clean.

Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.

When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.

Wears a necklace made of human teeth.

Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.

Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.