Exclaim Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."
    Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"
    "They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.
    "Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.
    "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"
    "Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.
    "They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.
    "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.
    "Oh my! Oh more...

    Bored in a party? Here a list of what you can do:
    Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.
    Wear wool or feathers and sneeze all night. "The doctor says I'm not allergic to anything except sheep and birds..."
    If someone says the word no to you, say, "How dare you turn down the prince / princess of Ugranialo!"
    Burst into the room an hour late, sopping wet and screaming, "I've done it! I've found Atlantis!"
    Pick out the oldest women at the party, run up to her, and exclaim, "Grandmother! it's me, Anastasia!"
    If it is a summer party in the evening, break into a duet with another guest: "Summer nights". Persuade the host to sing "You're the one that I want" with you.
    Come in saying, the guy outside in the lab coat is looking for (insert name of host).
    How to entertain yourself when stuck in a boring party:
    Speak in more...

    Jokes to play on fellow Astronaughts when aboard the new Space station....

    Break the radio and say that while everyone was sleeping there was nuclear battle and everyone is now dead.

    look out the window any scream "We're being boarded!!"

    Uncouple the Japanese section, and as they float away helplessly yell "That's for Pearl Harbour!!..."

    Use the Canada arm to start punching the Russian space shuttle and then exclaim that "they were asking for it with all their freakin' late-night cooking smells"

    Flush a crew member out the air lock and tell everyone he was an alien planning1 to kill everyone and that you saved them from being cocooned!

    Lock someone outside and tell him you won't let them in until he guesses the right number between 1-million. Then tell him you were only kidding and testing his resilience under pressure, and let him in just before his air runs out.

    Dump a bottle more...

    Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
    Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
    When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
    Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
    Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
    Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
    Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
    Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
    Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
    If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
    If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...

    'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the decks
    Not a crewman was stirring,' cept those having sex;
    Their boots were all placed by the vent shafts with care,
    In hopes that by morning they'd get some fresh air.
    The Redshirts were nestled all snug in their beds,
    While visions of stay'ng alive danced in their heads;
    And Kirk in his gold shirt, McCoy in his blue,
    Had just settled down for a nice Christmas brew--
    When from the comm panel there came such a wail,
    They sprang from their chairs, knocking over their ale.
    Away to the panel Kirk flew, drenched in beer,
    Snapped on the comm switch and barked loudly, "Kirk here!"
    The squeals that emerged from the thing after that
    Sounded just like the Devil was strangling a cat;
    When, what to their bombarded ears should appear,
    But the music of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,"
    With a voice in the background, a murmur of talk,
    That more...

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