Decide Jokes / Recent Jokes
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!
Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn`t know you had, in a way you don`t understand.
Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he`s talking to you instead of his own.
Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can`t.
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that`s what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don`t?
A: Depreciation.
Q: What is the difference more...
A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200. 00. Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it. Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer. The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199. 00?"The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1. 00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1. 00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that.""Comfortable?" the guy questions."Yes, you see she reads slow."
Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: Theyd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which more...
The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to grade it until after you complete your Ph. D. DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing them that they are going to flunk your class. LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When the time comes to lecture on a subject you know more...