Cop Jokes / Recent Jokes

...a NY couple, into "golden showers", were arrested after a loud & vicious fight broke out in their NY apartment...each were convicted of disturbing the peace, sentenced to 69 hours of community service, and ordered by the judge to "piss & make up."

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the road when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said,' did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yep,' the little boy said,' he sure did!'

The cop looked at the bike and while handing the boy a $20 ticket he said,' Next year, tell Santa to put a license plate on the back of it.'

To go along with the cop, the little boy said,' Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes, He sure did,' said the cop.

The little boy looked up at the cop and said,' Next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse instead of on top.'

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving
very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop
walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you
driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I`m sorry sir, but wherever I go,
there`s always a tree in front of me and I can`t seem
to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said,
"Lady, that`s your air freshener!"

A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. As he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles.
He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin.
After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up. The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?"
The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike."
The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humouring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Two yankees are driving across the Texas desert, it's flat and you can see forever, they approach a stop sign and since the driver can see for miles in all directions and it's all clear he slows a bit then drives right on through.
Soon he see's the flashing lights in his rearview and pulls over, the cop ask's for license and registration, the driver asks why he was stopped and the cop tells him " You ran a stop sign".
The driver says "but I could see for miles, it was all clear so I just slowed down, whats the difference between stopping and slowing down?
The cop says "I'll let you answer that and proceeds to pull the driver out and beat him rapidly in the head with his night stick , then he ask's "now , do you want me to slow down? or stop?"

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until hes topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he cant escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "Its been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, Ill let you go."The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"