Nick Swardson: Closed Casket | Nick Swardson | Jokes.com. Jokes.com - The other thing Im going to do at my funeral is Im going to have a closed casket, like, at the church. And its going to be closed so people will think that my body will be in there -- but it wont be. My body will come down on wires. Itll just come down, just hang down, and then, theyll hit the lights out and hit it with a strobe light and then -- techno music.