"Boudreaux & Band-Aids (that's pronounced BOO-dro, for y'all not familiar with Louisiana)" joke

Boudreaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Thibodeaux (TIB-a-dough). He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Clotile. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Boudreaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Boudreaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Clotile staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you, Boudreaux?" Boudreaux said, "Mon cher, why you say such a mean ting?" "Well," Clotile said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror.

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

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Confucius Says: It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

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Q:What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

A: Beer nuts cost a buck twenty-five. Deer nuts are under a buck!

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Take my advice: I don't use it anyway.

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Normal people believe that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

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