Why did the dishonest man grow a beard?
So that no one could call him a bare-faced liar!
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.
A man on a bus spends much of the journey staring at the guy sitting opposite. Before long the other guy starts staring back and demands to know why he is the focus of so much attention.
“I’m very sorry,” begins the first man, “but if it weren’t for the moustache you’d look just like my wife!”
“But I don’t have a moustache!” protests the other.
“See what I mean?” he replies.
Teacher: Wat do u call a person who apologizes if he has committed a mistake ?
Boy: An honest man.
Teacher: Good. And what do u call a person who apologizes even if he has committed no mistake ?
Boy: A Boyfriend.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third, a quarter of a beer. The bartender says, "You're all idiots!" and pours two beers.
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland ‘
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin , I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would you have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’ The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, more...
A blind man and his seeing eye dog are in the supermarket doing some shopping. Suddenly in the middle of an aisle, the man picks up his dog by the tail and starts swinging it around. A startled shop assistant rushes over and says to the man "What's the matter?" she yells, "Can I help you?" The blind man continues swinging the dog and casually replies, "No thanks, I'm just looking around."