The death penalty is getting harder to enforce because doctors are refusing to oversee lethal injections. Said one doctor, "Killing people on purpose just looks bad on the resume."
Question: What's the penalty for bigamy? Answer: Two mothers-in-law
This guy's wife was always wanting to go golfing with him and he
said he didn't think she would enjoy it. She kept pressuring
him and finally he gave in.
So they're on the golf course and on the first hole the guy hits
one 300 yards down the middle of the fairway, hits his second
shot three feet from the pin, and putts for a birdie. This
lucky streak continues and he birdies 5 straight holes.
Then they get to the 6th hole. He takes his driver and hooks
one way out into the left rough behind a barn. They search and
search and find the ball, and he says to his wife, "I'll just
take a penalty and drop the ball out in the fairway."
His wife says, "Wait a minute!" She walks over to the barn and
opens the door on one end and then goes to the other end and
opens that door too. She says, "Look, honey, you can see the
hole from here! The way you've been playing, just hit through
the barn and you'll do more...
The Titans are upset that a delay-of-game penalty was not called during the Ravens winning drive last Sunday. So much time had elapsed on that play, Jeff Fisher actually grew back his mullet.
Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday. It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley. It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years. Impersonating a town sealer, auctioneer, corder of wood, or a fence-viewer is against the law. Penalty: $20 to $100 fine. It is illegal to place a windmill within twenty-five (25) rods of any traveled street or road. Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days. It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged. Newport: You cannot smoke a pipe after sunset. Providence: You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.