Recent Jokes

The United Nations conducted a worldwide survey with one single question:

"Would you please give your opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure:

* In Latin America, they didn't know what please meant ...
* In China, they didn't know what opinion meant ...
* In the Middle East, they didn't know what solution meant ...
* In Europe, they didn't know what shortage meant ...
* In Africa, they didn't know what food meant ...

* In the United States, they didn't know what the rest of the world meant ...

your momas so fat when she stepped on the scale it said new high score.

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

You're so ugly your mom has to tie a roast beef sandwich around your neck to get the dog to play with you.

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.