"You Might Be a Redneck..." joke

Hot 4 months ago

You Might Be a Redneck If
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the Pampers box means how much
the diaper will hold.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache
You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
The trunk of your car is tied down and you're not hauling anything.
You refer to the fifth grade as "my senior year."
You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans rather than hem them.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the
state patrolman to kiss her ass.
You did not put the pink plastic flamingos in your front yard as a joke.
You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
Your Fourth of July cookout has ever been ruined because someone got drunk
and burned the Spam.

Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
A: You can un-screw a lightbulb!

My wife says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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