"Xmas top ten signs the person answering the butterball turkey hotline is nuts" joke

"Signs the Person Answering the Butterball Turkey Hotline is Nuts"
As presented on the 11/26/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN
Starts out by asking, "What are you wearing?"
Keeps referring to product called "Vicks Vap-O-Gravy"
Recommends thawing the turkey in your pants
Wants you to look inside the turkey for contact lens he lost at the processing plant
When you ask, "How often should I baste it?" he says, "Are we still talking about the turkey?"
Tells you that when the timer pops up, you have ten seconds before the damn thing explodes
Insists you cook turkey at six degrees for 450 hours
Keeps interrupting to ask if you're planning to eat the bird or wear it as a hat
Claims to have sailed from New York to the Bahamas in a gravy boat
He tells you to go stuff yourself

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!

7
3

Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one

Michael J. Fox has a short one

Madonna doesn't have one and

Bill Clinton uses his a lot

What is "it"?



A last name!

Now what were you thinking?

10
4

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

30
5

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

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