"World News Roundup" joke

The Fox network plans to air an interview called "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," in which O.J. tells "how he would have committed" the murders of his ex-wife and her friend. It will be followed by a special called, “Fox: If We Had No Class, Here’s What We’d Air.”

Canadian courts have given two Toronto college professors the right to smoke medical marijuana at school. Matthew McConaughey and Willie Nelson are enrolling in the PhD program.

To encourage their pandas to breed in captivity, a zoo in Thailand will play porn videos for the male bear. Members of Congress and top evangelical leaders have been asked to donate their collections.

U.S. intelligence officials believe Fidel Castro has terminal stomach, colon, or pancreatic cancer. In recent photos, Castro is seen wearing a warm-up jacket the CIA says is loose enough to hide a colostomy bag or weapons of mass destruction.

More than 700 people on a cruise ship have come down with a highly contagious gastrointestinal virus. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to "poop deck."

A Vatican summit led by Pope Benedict XVI has reaffirmed mandatory celibacy for priests. And this time they really mean it.

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