"Why I am not a terrorist?" joke

Hot 5 years ago

I sometimes feel so bad about things that I wonder if I am sane. I see so many people acting so stupidly in the world, that what they do makes no sense. Maybe I'm the only sane person and everyone else is crazy! It seems like the world has gotten both stupider and nastier over the years, or at least the U.S. has.
It is the asinine stupidity - and plain arrogance - of people that makes me sick. The District of Columbia is damn near so bankrupt it would be "30c short of a quarter." The Financial Control Board gave a timid order to Mayor-for-life Marion "Snort, Snort" Barry to cut 6,000 city employees.
Washington is so obscenely overstaffed that the number of people that should be cut from its payroll is more like 60,000! This isn't cutting the payroll, this is giving it a manicure! People are practically calling this near-nothing cutback a "meat axe" approach!
All the while the city goes deeper into red ink. I'm thinking, when the city does go into Chapter 9 bankruptcy (used for cities that go bankrupt), maybe I should submit my own application as receiver in order to fix the problem. But, since I *do* know how to fix the problem, NOBODY is going to want me to do the job! They don't want the problem fixed, they just want it to go away but without having to do what is needed to fix it!
It is this kind of rank ignorance and out-and-out arrogant avoidance of the truth that has sometimes made me consider becoming a terrorist, and fight to stop the injusticices of the world. Except that terrorism is for political ends, there's really not much money available to be made in terrorism, mostly people use it to win freedom for someone in some jail.
I have to make a living, I can't afford to be a terrorist! Until one day, I got an idea.
Anyone wants to get in on this, I think it would be fun and very profitable, almost as much fun as when I was Junta Leader of the Humor list and had summary excutions of people who didn't pay big enough bribes.
I'm thinking of someone that we could kidnap that is so valuable that there would be fundraisings in the streets to raise money to keep us from carrying out what we would do if the money isn't raised.
So here's my plan. A bunch of us raid San Quentin Prison, knocking out the guards. (The public gets mad if you kill police officers, so we just stun them.) Then we also stun any convicts who are stupid enough to get in our way instead of running for the exits.
And who do we go after: the biggest prize in California. We announce our ransom: If we get five million dollars, we will turn our prisoner over to a police department in such a way as to make sure he is returned to prison.
If we receive *ten* million dollars, we will see to it he is publicly executed so that it can be seen by the entire TV audience.
But, if we do not receive the ransom, we will let him go, unharmed and with fresh clothes and fake identity papers, on the city streets.
So the newspapers around the world would announce our terrible demand:
TERRORIST GROUP DEMANDS $10MIL RANSOM OR THEY LET CHARLES MANSON GO UNHARMED

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