"What men really mean" joke
"I'm going fishing." Really means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, then stand by a stream with a stick in my hand while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car." Really means: "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers, and is completely out of gas."
"Woman driver." REally means: "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures, and has a better driving recorder than me."
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means: "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise, or any other color besides white."
"it's a guy thing." Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?" Really means: "Why isn't it already on teh table?"
"Uh-Huh," "Sure, Honey", or "Yes, dear." Really Means: "Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling."
"Good idea." Really means: "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?" Really means: "I've just spend our last thrity dollars on a cordless drill"
"My wife doesn't understand me." Really means: "She's heard all my stories before and is tired of them."
"it would take too long to explain." Really means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means: "The batteries in the remote are dead."
"I got a lot done." Really means: "I found Waldo in almost every picture."
"We're going to be late." Really means: "Now I have a legitimate excutes to drive like a maniac."
"Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means: "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
"You cook just like my mother used to." Really means: "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means: "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra"
"Take a brea, honey, you're working too hard." Really means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear." Really means: "Are you still talking?"
"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means: "I forgot our anniversary again."
"You expect too much of me." Really means: "you want me to stay awake."
"It's a really good movie" Really means: "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
"That's women's work." Really means: "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"Will you marry me?" Really means: "Both my roommates have moved out. I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
"Go ask your mother." Really means: "I am incapable of making a decision."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means: "I remember the teme song to F Troop, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and I got you tehse roses." Really means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Footbal is a man's game." Really means: "Women are generally too smart to play it."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means: "I have actually severed a lim, but I will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
"I do help around the house." Really means: "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it." Really means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?" Really means: "What did you catch me at?"
"What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means: "You just bought new clothes three years ago."
"She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means: "She refused to make my coffe."
"But I hate to go shopping." Reall
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