"Difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral" joke

The Utah Jazz collected their 12th straight victory. In celebration, Utah residents might even stay up til midnight.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!