"What We Know from Movies" joke

Hot 6 years ago

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

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Brains

An alien walked into a shop and told the owner that he came from Mars and wanted to buy a brain for research. ''How much is this one?'' he asked. ''Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,'' he explained. ''How much is that one?'' he asked ''Well that one is a female brain more...

Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard more...

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try more...

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
One more...

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