"What On Earth?" joke

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Then God said, "Let there be light!" Immediately, the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a large ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, and that he would obtain a building permit and to conserve energy, He would have the light out half the time.
God agreed, and offered to call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night". The officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation, plant yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit." The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.
Then God said, "Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth." The officials pointed out that this would require approval from the Department of Game, coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audobon Society.
Everything was okay until God said the project would be completed in six days. The officials said it would take at least two hundred days to review the applications and the impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be ten to twelve months before...
At this point God created Hell.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

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A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I
have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do
you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I
have an elderly more...

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A blonde goes to the doctor's office and says, "Doctor, Doctor! Everywhere I touch hurts!"
She touched her shoulder, and it hurt. She touched her leg, and it hurt. She touched her neck, and it hurt.
The doctor looked at her and said, "Your finger is more...

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AN unmarried girl prayed,' Hey Bhagwan, I never asked you for anything. But please grant my mother a son-in-law.'
Bhagwan heard the girl's prayer. Her sister found a husband!

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The bartender at our golf club named a drink Lilac Crazy in honour of one of the members.
Every time the member came to the 19th hole, that's exactly what he did.

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