"Us Air Force" joke
A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.
As he’s leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says,
“Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished. ”
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says,
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind? ”
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton's ear.
All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!".
Two Southern belles, one of whom was from Texas, were seated on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion talking. The first woman, who was not from Texas, said, "When my first child was born, my husband had this beautiful mansion built for more...
A Cuban, a Japaneze guy, an American and a Mexican are in a boat.
The Cuban pulls out a box of cigars, takes one and throws the rest
in the water. He puffs twice and throws it in the water.
He says, "We have so many cigars in cuba, we can spare more...
your momas so fat when she stepped on the scale it said new high score.