"Twilight Zone Commercials" joke
This is a script I wrote for our campus humor paper. So copyright me,
and the Koala, and the Regents, and I printed it first so if you copy
it I can sue you for imaginary damages.
(Scene: The inside of a restaurant. As people eat, the announcer walks in
from the left and faces the camera.)
Announcer: Tonight, we are here at the Platinum Penguin
restaurant in Beverly Hills, where we've secretly
replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with sand
and ground-up clam shells. Here's what they thought.
(Cut to table #1. Man sips the coffee and spits it out all over his wife.
Cut to table #2. Woman sips coffee and starts gagging. Cut to inside
kitchen. The cook, screaming, pours the coffee out all over the floor. Cut
to table #1, where couple is trying to recover)
Announcer: You're right! (Couple looks at announcer as he puts
can of coffee on table) This isn't real coffee, it's...
(Fade to black.)
(Scene: The breakfast cereal section of a large supermarket. Mother enters
pushing a shopping cart, a small child in tow. She reaches to grab a box of
Voice: Shredded Wheat?
Mother: (Turning to camera) Yes...
Voice: It'll take twelve boxes of Shredded Wheat to equal the nutrition
in one box of Total!
(Twelve boxes of Shredded Wheat fly from the shelf and land all over the
Mother: (Reaching for a different box) How about Cheerios?
Voice: Five boxes!
(Five boxes of Cheerios fly from the shelf and land all over the floor.)
Child: (Holding up candy) What about a Hershey bar?
Voice: Seven hundred fifty thousand!
(Mother and Child look up, then cover their heads with their arms as a huge
pile of Hershey bars drops on top of them, filling the aisle and the rest of
the store. Cut to outside of store. Windows shatter and candy bars pour out
from inside. Cut to breakfast cereal aisle. Candy moves in two places, and
Mother and Child poke their heads and arms out of the pile, sending a few bars
Child: Let's get Shredded Wheat and some Flintstone
Mother: (Pulling herself out) Good idea.
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