"Thoughts From Women..." joke

Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
* Helen Hayes (at 73)
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow.
* Janette Barber
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
* Lily Tomlin
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
* Carrie Snow
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
* Bette Davis
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
* Catherine Aird
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
* Rhonda Hansome
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
* Jane Sellman
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
* Charlotte Whitton
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
* Caryn Leschen
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
* Jan King
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
* Jennifer Unlimited
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
* Kathy Buckley
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.
* Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
* Erica Jong
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
* Sue Grafton
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
* Laurie Kuslansky
I think - therefore I'm single.
* Lizz Winstead
You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
* Geri Jewell
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
* Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
* Maryon Pearson
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman.
* Margaret Thatcher
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
* Gloria Steinem
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
* Marie Corelli
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
* Linda Ellerbee
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
* Eleanor Roosevelt

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