"The delete key manual" joke
YOUR DELETE KEY
Thank you for using the Delete Key. The Delete Key is an amazing new technology available to all computer users. It is simple, effective, and very user-friendly. If this is your first time using the Delete Key, we urge you to read the entire contents of this manual. Please do not delete this manual. This may cause you to use the delete key in a reckless or insufficient manner.
The Delete Key provides a keyboard based, fully manual method for the removal of information. Furthermore, use of the Delete Key in conjunction with the small amount of brain matter you have left may induce a tingling sensation of pleasure.
Failure to use the Delete Key may result in aggravation, humiliation, and knee-jerk reactionism. This manual will help you locate and implement a full Delete Key pressing method to ensure your peace of mind remains unaltered.
LOCATING THE DELETE KEY
Lift your hands off the key board.
Scan the keys for a key labeled "Delete"
Make note of this location as it will come in handy later.
USING THE DELETE KEY
Locate something on your computer you wish to delete. Files, text, e-mail messages, and vital operating system components are all "delete-enabled" items.
Select the item using your mouse or other selection device.
Lift you hands off the keyboard and using one of you fingers, depress the key labeled Delete.
The offending material has now been removed from your sight.
Some systems may require confirmation of your Delete- based system. If this is the case, make sure to agree to the deletion. Otherwise you may become reburdened with the offensive or unwanted material.
WHAT SHOULD I DELETE
Anything that might bring you unhappiness. In this New Economy, semi-lucid hyper-cyber-superhighway world, you need the unending power of a Delete key. Not only is is easy to implement, it offers tremendous Return On Investment (ROI). Consider this scenario:
Helga Gumpwetter has three text files. In the first file are instructions for making a nuclear bomb. The other two contain funny jokes about pumpkins. Because Helga deleted the nuclear bomb message and read the pumpkin jokes, she lacked the ability to nuke her ex-boyfriend, thus saving all of King County Washington. Talk about some serious ROI!
(Written by Al Girard)
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