"The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You" joke

16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.14> He actually *does* have your tongue.13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.12> Cyanide paw prints all over the house.11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of Catnip9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.2> You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You...1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

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