"The Top 15 Things On Santa's To-Do List" joke
15. Virgin or not, time to move little Miss Britney to the
14. Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox
13. Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock
12. Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding
information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.
11. Administer nine little Breathalyzer tests.
10. File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16
wasting the sleigh.
9. Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too
8. Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo
sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D. A.'s
7. Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and
6. Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.
5. Attend weekly meeting at Nogaholics Anonymous.
4. Touch up the urine-proof lamination job on the the thighs
before heading to the mall.
3. Visit reindeer stalls to load up on stocking stuffers for a
certain Mr. bin Laden.
2. Prepare a lump of coal with Winona Ryder's name on it.
and the Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List...
1. Write back to Susie Winfield of Peoria; ask her how on God's
green earth she thinks a whole pony is going to fit down a
Not enough votes...