I had the wife in stitches last night.
That'll teach her to overcook my steak.
Your daddy is so bald that when he puts on a turtle-neck he looks like a broken condom!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!
Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!