"Some Horror Stories About Airways" joke

Hot 6 years ago

> Lufthansa - Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from
> the captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we
> have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the
> ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation
> but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
> "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency
> and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the
> non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers
> are on
> the right side of the plane" After this announcement all
> the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's
> request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
> The captain once again made an annoucement:"Ladies and Gentlemen we
> have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of
> the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the
> plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
> ---THANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA- "
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
> British Airways
>
> "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like
> to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to
> London.
> We are currently flying at a height of 35, 000 feet midway across the
> Atlantic." "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the
> aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on
> fire.
> If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
> the
> port wing has fallen off."
> "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow
> life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your
> captain, the co-pilot, and one of the airstewardesses. This is a
> recorded message."
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Air France -
> There once was a flight heading from London to NewYork. Halfway during
> the flight, the captain suddenly comes over the intercom
> system..."This is Captain Jean-Pierre Lalonde speaking. I have a bit of
> bad news for you. We have lost our first left engine, but never fear,
> we can still make it using only three engines. But because of the loss
> of power, we will be two hours late."Time goes on, and once again the PA
> system crackles to life..."This is again your Captain. We have lost an
> engine on our starboard wing. But rest assured that our plane can fly
> using only two engines. Due to the reduced power, we will now be four
> hours late." The flight goes on, when the passengers hear the no
> familiar sound of the address system... "Guess what, folks! We lost
> another engine, but nothing to fear. We can still make it using only
> one engine. But now we will be six hours late. "On hearing
> this, an elderly lady turned to the person sitting
> next to her, and said:"I hope we don't lose ANOTHER engine. I'll be late
> for my connecting flight from New York!"
>
> -------------------------------------------
> Philippine Airlines -
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen, Mabuhay!, this is your Captain Biglang-awa
> speaking, We are now over the Philippine trench where you can find the
> deepest part of the Pacific ocean. Here you can also find almost all the
> ferocious creatures in the sea, there's the killer sharks, barracudas
> and many others. And now for the finale, please, stay calm and don't panic
> for both our engines are dead and we are now going down into that ocean.
> Please wear your life vest. We are going to crashland this plane into
> the water. In the meantime, I would like you to follow everything I'm
> going to say, repeat
> after me:
> "Our Father Who are in Heaven.........."

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