"Snails" joke
A couple were throwing a dinner party for all the major bigwigs in San Diego. The wife was very excited about the party and wanted everything to be just perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any escargot, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with a bucket and gather some snails. Grudgingly, he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would just come down the beach and talk to me."
He went back to gathering the snails for the dinner party. All of a sudden he looked up and the beautiful woman was standing over him. They got to talking and she invited him back to her place for a drink. Well one thing led to another, and the man ended up spending the night at her place. At 7 AM the next morning he woke up and shouted, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!"
Quickly he gathered up all of his clothes, grabbed his bucket of snails, ran out the door and down the beach. He ran up the stairs to his beach house. He was in such a hurry when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails, strewing snails all the way down the stairs. Just then the door opened, and a very angry wife was standing over him demanding to know where he had been all this time. He looked at the snails on the steps, then looked at his wife, then back at the snails and cried, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"
Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.
Admiring her neighbor's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his more...