"Romantic Tattoo" joke
My girlfriend thought it would be romantic to have tattoos of each other's names.
So she got a tattoo with my name and I changed her name by deed poll to Newcastle United.
I was ice-skating today just minding my own business when I noticed some big fat bird kept giving me the eye.
Eventually she came over. "Hi there, I'm a bit shy I'm not very good at breaking the ice," she laughed.
"Have you tried jumping?" I asked.
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.