"Quickies" joke

Hot 1 year ago

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut.
11) Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.
12) The three words most hated by men during sex: "Are you in?"
13) The three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey, I'm home!"
14) Why do men take showers instead of baths?
Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
15) Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where her tits went.

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Grumpy

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

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