"Quick Bird Jokes" joke

I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore how do you tell a crow from a raven? It's a matter of opinion. I duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk sez, "Will that be cash or charge?" The duck sez, "Just put it on my bill!" Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?" Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chickens foot. I took my bird to the vet because he was sick. The vet said I have bad news and good news. The bird has chirpees, the good news is that it is tweetable! Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the Opossum that it could be done! What does a 1, 000 lb. canary say? Here kitty, kitty, kitty! What did the bird say as it was flying over K-Mart? "Cheap - cheap - cheap" What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower? Shredded Tweet! How do you get down off an elephant? You don't! You get down off a duck. Why did the duck cross the road? Waddle you want to know! Did you ever notice that when ducks migrate in their Vee formation, one side of the line is longer than the other? Know why that is? There's more ducks in it. Why did the road runner cross the road? Because the coyote was chasing it Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he didn't like the side that he was on! Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful means something is against the law and illegal is a sick bird. How does a chicken mail a letter? In a HEN-velope! What is gray? A melted penguin. Why do birds fly south? Because it is to far to walk! What is a bird after he is five days old? Six days old! Why does a stork stand on one leg? Because if he took the other leg off the ground he would fall on the ground! What does a 5lb duck say?? quawquaw What does a 10lb duck say?? QUAWQUAW!!!! QUAWQUAW!!!! Why did the bird make it's nest on top of a car? She knew they'd be moving! How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow! What do you call a big swallow? A gulp! What do you call a small swallow? A sip! Why does a chicken coop have only 2 doors? If it had 4 it would be a sedan... What did the woodpecker say when it ran into a bar? Ouch! What is black and white and red all over? A penguin with sunburn. Why did the punk-rocker cross the road? He had a chicken stapled to his head. Why did it take the elephant so long to cross the road? Because the chicken had trouble carrying him. What bird is always sad? Bluebird How do you know if you are a birder? You might be a birder if you have ever faked your own death to attract vultures What is black and white and red all over? A chickadee with a sunburn Why did the bird cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off!! What do you call a baseball mixed with a bird? A fowl ball! Did you hear about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic who used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a DOG? (Editor - This has nothing to do with birds, but it's still a classic.) It's better to have a bird in the bush than in your hand Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and cross back? He was a dirty double-crosser! How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame bird. Tame way -- unique up on it. What happens to a duck when he flies upside down? He quacks up What is yellow and then is red? A little chicken in the blender. What is black and white and red all over? A penguin in the blender. A hen ate a piece of glass, then the baby chicken was born with glasses A hen ate an eraser, then the baby chicken was born with sneekers! It is easy to determine if someone is committed to a cause or just involved. Consider the case of the bacon and egg breakfast. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed! What does duck eat with his soup? Quackers Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. What is a fowl's favorite word? Foul Ball! A pigeon was pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park when he saw his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been, I've been waiting here for hours?" The new arrival looked around him and said, "It was such a nice day, I said to myself -- what the heck, I'll walk!"

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