"Proper terms for today's woman" joke

She is not:
A BAD COOK
She is:
MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

She does not:
GET PMS
She becomes:
HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

She does not have:
A KILLER BODY
She is:
TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

She is not:
A BAD DRIVER
She is:
AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

She is not a:
PERFECT 10
She is:
NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

She is not:
EASY
She is:
HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She does not:
HATE SPORTS ON TV
She is:
ATHLETICALLY BIASED

You do not ask her:
TO DANCE
You request a:
PRE-COITAL RHYTHMIC EXPERIENCE

She is not:
HOOKED ON SOAP OPERAS
She is:
MELODRAMATICALLY FIXATED

She is not:
COLD OR FRIGID
She is:
THERMALLY INCOMPATIBLE

She does not:
WEAR TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
She is:
COSMETICALLY OVERSATURATED

She does not have:
GREAT CLEAVAGE
Her breasts are:
CENTRALLY LOCATED

She is not:
A SCREAMER OR MOANER
She is:
VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She does not:
SUN BATHE
She experiences:
SOLAR ENHANCEMENT

She does not:
CUT YOU OFF
She becomes:
HORIZONTALLY INACCESSIBLE

She does not have:
BIG HAIR
She is:
OVERLY AEROSOLED

She does not:
SHOP TOO MUCH
She is:
OVERLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO MARKETING PLOYS