"Opium is the religion of the masses." joke
Here's a few I read in some verysmalledition book of Soviet Anecdotes.
An old woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy packages.
Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she grabs it.
"Thank God," she says.
A man in the seat behind her says, "Excuse me comrade, but this is an athiest
society. You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"
"Of course you are right," the old woman says. "Thank Stalin." She is
silent for a moment, then says: "Comerade, I have just had a terrible thought:
What shall we say when Stalin dies?"
The man behind her replies, "In that case I think we can say 'Thank God.'"
Lenin is dying, and talking things over with Stalin, his
successor.
"The one worry I have," says Lenin, "is this: will the people
follow you? What do you think, comrade Stalin?"
"They will," says Stalin, "they surely more...
It seems that once upon a time Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev were all
traveling together on this train from Moscow to Vladivostok when,
at one point, the engines stuttered and the train came grinding to a halt.
Two hours later, nothing more had happened; the train more...
Stalin is addressing the people. He announces:
Comrades, I have here a telegram from Trotsky. He states, "You were right and I was wrong. You are the true heir to Lenin. I should apologize."
From the front row a (comrade) tailor rises and calls, "Comrade more...
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.
Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his
last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins
of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you
some advice."
"Yes, more...