"New Bra" joke
A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and kicked the crap out of him.
A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your fucking eyesight's good!"
Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!
My wife has just found out I've been fucking a Hermaphrodite.
She screamed at me, "What's she got that I haven't got?"
What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.