"Mortician's prize" joke
A mortician was working late one night preparing bodies for burial. As he examined the body of a Mr. Schwartz, he made an amazing discovery. The man had the largest penis he had ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr.Schwartz," the mortician said, "but this has to be saved for posterity." The mortician detached the dead mans schlong, stuffed it into a briefcase and took it home.
"Honey," he said to his wife as he reached in to recover his prize, "I have something to show you that you won't believe."
"Oh, my God!" she screamed as it came into view. "Schwartz is dead?!"
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too more...
The three words most hated by men during sex:' 'Are you done?'' The three words women hate to hear when having sex...''Honey, I'm home!''
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A: 45 lbs.
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Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about more...