"Milk drinkers' behaviors / The Physics of Law..." joke

The following comes from the "Denver Post Wire Services" under the heading of "Dairy board survey hardly depicts Milquetoast image"...
Not a bunch of goody-goodies, the folks at the California Milk Processor Board want you to think raunchy, think wanton, think naughty, think milk. A survey for June, National Dairy Month, reports hidden milk drinkers' behaviors:
When no one is looking, 59 percent of Californians admit to slugging directly from the carton.
A sheepish 31 percent have finished the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.
An embarrassed 39 percent report that they have, on occasion, blown milk out their noses.
While a co-worker slaves away at his desk, 22 percent have "borrowed" someone else's milk from the office refirgerator.
A smug 14 percent say that they have made milk a part of their sex lives. Which leaves 86 percent wondering how the heck they do it.
The article continues with....
The Physics of Law...
It's not whether you win or lose, it's where you put your desk. The Association of Defense Council in San Francisco held a recent seminar for law firm administrators on _feng shui_, the ancient Chinese art of placement that puts a room's inhabitants in harmony with nature.
"Lawyers deal with conflict all day," seminar leader Katherine Metz said. "If their environment invites conflict, as well, they'll end up with disarray, blowups, personalities clashing, clients departing."
Some tips from Metz, as reported in California Lawyer:
Avoid sharp corners facing your desk; they result in stress.
Don't sit under an exposed beam; it will weigh you down psychologically.
Don't sit with your back to a door or window; that increases anxiety and decreases power.
Rest rooms shouldn't be located in the middle of the office; they drain energy.
Wear red and green if you are defending someone's good name. Red stands for reputation; green enhances power.
One has to wonder how much common sense it takes to avoid designing a toilet into the middle of an office and how much common sense it takes to avoid Herb Tarlick as a defense attorney. Hmmmm...? I think I smell a Government grant in action. But right now, I'm experiencing an overwhelming urge to blow milk out my nose. You figure it out...