"Mental Health Hotline!" joke

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.If you are Delusional, press 7, your call will be transfered to the Mothership.If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.If you have short-term memory loss, please try you call again later.If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus, and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. While his father was gone buying popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, more...

Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 4 vote(s). 50% are positive. 0 comment(s).