"Mental Health Hotline!" joke

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.If you are Delusional, press 7, your call will be transfered to the Mothership.If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.If you have short-term memory loss, please try you call again later.If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him.
The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd more...

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your more...

An Attorney was riding home in his limo and noticed two men sitting on the side of the road eating grass, he told his driver to stop and investigate.

His driver went to the two men and asked, sirs why are you eating grass? The first man replied, I have no money and must more...

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good more...

Be first to comment!
remember me
follow replies
Funny Joke? 4 vote(s). 50% are positive. 0 comment(s).