"Mammogram Exercises" joke

Hot 4 years ago

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE 2:
Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
You are now properly prepared.

A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep.
The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man.
A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup.
The doctor asks more...

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

Why did the first Koala fall out of the tree? It was dead.
Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first.
Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?
It thought suicide was in.
Why did the fourth Koala fall out of the more...

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