"Lottery ticket" joke
Sid goes to temple and gets down on his knees and prays, "Dear God, I work hard but my business isn't doing well, my wife is acting strange and my daughter, ah, you don't want to know. Would it be so terrible, maybe I could win the lottery?"
The next week he's back. "God, my wife, she's moving out and I'm getting audited by the IRS. And my daughter, she's running around with a such a sleaze, would it be so terrible, I could maybe win the lottery?"
The next week, Sid's back. God, now I find my business partner ran off with my wife, leaving me to pay the taxes with money I don't have cause she cleanned out the bank accounts. And my daughter, she's pregnant by that nogoodnik who ran off as well. God, would it be so bad that I might win the lottery?"
At that moment a beam of light comes blazing through the window as the clouds outside part and a voice booms down, "Sidney, meet me half way on this one, BUY A TICKET!!!"
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!
Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one
Michael J. Fox has a short one
Madonna doesn't have one and
Bill Clinton uses his a lot
What is "it"?
A last name!
Now what were you thinking?