"Laws of Life" joke

Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom):
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Beckhap's Law:
Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jone's Motto:
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.
Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.
Krueger's Observation:
A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Benchley's Law of Distinction:
There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't.
Harver's Law:
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Rule of Accuracy:
When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Rudin's Law:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't quit.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:
Everything goes wrong all at once.
O'Toole's Commentary:
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Firestone's Law of Forecasting:
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Ralph's Observation:
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
Murphy's 3rd Military Law:
Friendly fire ain't.
Murphy's 4th Military Law:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Murphy's 5th Military Law:
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Murphy's 6th Military Law:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy's 7th Military Law:
The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's 8th Military Law:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy's 9th Military Law:
If your advance is going well, you're walking into an ambush.
Murphy's 10th Military Law:
The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.
Murphy's 11th Military Law:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy's 13th Military Law:
The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.
Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Peter's Placebo:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Grossman's Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Perkin's Postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Conway's Law:
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Horngren's Observation (generalized):
The real world is a special case.
Shirley's Law:
Most people deserve each other.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, i