"Johnnie's request" joke
Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks... but nothing happened.
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...
Your moma is like a brick dirty on both sides and laid by mexicans.
your mamma is so fat when she steps on the scales it says one at a time please.
Your momma is so fat when you tell her she has something on her chin she asks which one
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet