"Jesus is watching you" joke
A robber breaks into a home and procedes to loot the kitchen of the fine china and such when he hears a voice that says "Jesus is watching you" the robber looks around and doesnt see anybody Next he goes to the bedrooms and continues stealing then he hears the voice again "Jesus is whatching you " now he is starting to get paranoid so he turns on the lights and looks around, he sees a bird in the corner so he goes up to the bird and asks "are you the one saying Jesus is watching you" the bird says yes then asks whats your name the robber says todd the robber says whats your name the bird says milfred . The robber mumbles to himself what kind of person names their bird Milfred? The bird replies the same kind of person theat name their doberman Jesus.
In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?" Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Little Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Little Johnny. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying: "Damn that was fun!"
Q. Why did the belt go to jail? A. Because he held up a pair of pants!
Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may "commiserate". After a wild night of getting it on, it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation. She says, more...