"I'm Turner Brown" joke

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem
Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.3. Boils at nothing.4. Freezes without reason.5. Melts with special reason.6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore.8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known (See HAZARDS, #3)COMMON USES: ---1. Highly ornamental.2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION:
1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.2. Turns green when compared to better specimen.HAZZARDS: ---1. May explode spontaneously without cause.2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards: Normal

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