"''I'm Stupid'' Signs" joke
Stupid people should have to wear signsthat just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? Youwouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn'tsee your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved.Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comesover and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once ortwice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishingwith a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringerof bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?""Nope — talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal showson the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's onlyone way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... Theywant you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they biteyou." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled mytruck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks atmy truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me.Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about ayear ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. Weget back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could havestopped him.
I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in mydays of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck gotstuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help andeventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basicquestioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign...until heasked "So..is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, lookedback at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here'syour sign."
A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead more...
What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?
A cock that stays up all night.
Always walk with a document in your hands:
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. Those with a newspaper in their hands look like more...