"Grandpa takes his date to the movies" joke

Two residents of an old-age home, Elmer and Martha, are talking to each other Thursday night:
"So Elmer, what are you doing tomorrow night?"
"I'm going to go out with Emma."
"Why? You can go out with me."
"Emma is nice to me."
"I can be nice to you. Will you go out with me?" (Coyly for a 80-year old.)
"Welllll... I think I'll go out with Emma."
"What are you going to do?"
"We're going to go to the movies."
"Why go there with Emma? You can go out to the movies with me."
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why do you want to go to the movies only with Emma?"
"Well, she holds my penis."
(A slight pause while Martha thinks this over.)
"I can do that. Why don't you go out with me instead?"
"Welllll... I think I'll go with Emma."
"Why go out with her? What's she got that I don't have??"
"She's got Parkinson's Disease."

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A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and more...

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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A farmer is giving his wife last-minute instructions before heading to town to do chores.
"That fellow from close by will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the mares. I've hung a nail by the right stall so you'll know which one I want him to more...

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. more...

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