"Glass half full and empty of perspectives" joke
So you want to divide the world in to optimists and pessimists, huh? Check this out:
"The glass is half full."
"The glass is half empty."
"The glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
"The glass is full; half with water, half with air."
"The glass contains some water; I want a Coke!"
"The water is surrounded by a glass."
"The glass was half...something a minute ago. Now it's empty. [burp]"
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear? Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.
a man walks into a doctor with a steering wheel down his pants and the doctor says "whats the matter;"and the man say "i dont know but its driving me nuts
The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...