"Glass half full and empty of perspectives" joke

Hot 8 months ago

So you want to divide the world in to optimists and pessimists, huh? Check this out:

"The glass is half full."
"The glass is half empty."
"The glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
"The glass is full; half with water, half with air."
"The glass contains some water; I want a Coke!"
"The water is surrounded by a glass."
"The glass was half...something a minute ago. Now it's empty. [burp]"

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good more...

I farted in an elevator yesterday... it was wrong on so many levels.

Why is santa claus always so happy?
He knows where all of the bad girls live!

What is the difference between Northern and Southern racism?
A southern racist doesn't mind blacks living nearby, as long as they
don't get "uppity."
A northern racist doesn't mind blacks getting "uppity" as long as they
don't live close.

This is a joke from my pastor about the using the Scriptures out of context...
A man was looking into the Bible for some guidance. Not knowing where to look, he simply opened the Bible randomly and point his finger at a passage. Wherever his finger lands, he will take as more...

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