"Glass half full and empty of perspectives" joke

So you want to divide the world in to optimists and pessimists, huh? Check this out:

"The glass is half full."
"The glass is half empty."
"The glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
"The glass is full; half with water, half with air."
"The glass contains some water; I want a Coke!"
"The water is surrounded by a glass."
"The glass was half...something a minute ago. Now it's empty. [burp]"

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

The other night during dinner my brother told a joke and I laughed so
hard that milk shot out my nose. The creepy part is that I wasn't
drinking milk.
- Dave George

This is one of the funniest pieces I have ever come across. It is apparently from a real log...
Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get more...

Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!

Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...

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