"Glass half full and empty of perspectives" joke

So you want to divide the world in to optimists and pessimists, huh? Check this out:

"The glass is half full."
"The glass is half empty."
"The glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
"The glass is full; half with water, half with air."
"The glass contains some water; I want a Coke!"
"The water is surrounded by a glass."
"The glass was half...something a minute ago. Now it's empty. [burp]"

What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?
Answer: Roberto.

What do you call Napoleon after a bomb has hit him?
Napoleon Blown Apart

Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with.
Women are like fine wine.
They all start out fresh, fruity and more...

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think at least one of them would've seen it.

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