"Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class" joke

11. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.
13. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
14. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
15. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
16. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
17. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone asks a question, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.
18. Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
19. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
20. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.

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