"Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First Week of Class Continued..." joke

31. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and
code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
32. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers
McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question,
walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
33. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
34. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
intervals.
35. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the
teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
36. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
37. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
38. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten
minutes.
39. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the
funk".
40. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and
deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
41. Pass out dental floss to students and devote the lecture to oral hygiene.
42. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be
required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark
through Armenia, for next class.
43. Ask students to list their favorite showtunes on a signup sheet.
Criticize their choices and make notes in your grade book.
44. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
45. Warn students that they should bring a sack lunch to exams.
46. Refer frequently to students who died while taking your class.
47. Show up to lecture in a ventilated clean suit. Advise students to keep
their distance for their own safety and mutter something about "that bug I
picked up in the field".
48. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream,
"Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"
49. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday
was the last day to drop.
50. Tell your math students that they must do all their work in a base 11
number system. Use a complicated symbol you've named after yourself in
place of the number 10 and threaten to fail students who don't use it.
51. Use a graduate student to bang cymbals every time your name is mentioned.