"Final exam!!!" joke
At Aberdeen Uni, 4 sophomores were taking Biology. They had done brilliantly in labs, on practicals and tests etc. Each had an 'A' so far for the semester. So confident were they before finals that they decided to head down to Edinburgh College for a big party with some mates.
After a great deal of partying they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Aberdeen till early Monday morning. Rather than take the final then, they decided to find the Professor after the exam and explain their trip, how they had planned to be back in time to study, but unfortunately had a flat tire on the way home, didn't have a spare, couldn't get help and thus missed the final.
The Professor thought it over, agreed they could take the exam the next day, and naturally the guys were relieved. That night they studied hard, arrived the next day, where upon the professor placed them each in separate rooms. Handing them a test booklet he told them to begin.
Looking at problem 1, worth five points, "Cool", they thought at the same time, each in his separate room, "This will be a cinch."
Each finished the problem 1, turned the page and found written:[For 95 points]: Which tire?
A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...
The scene - Husband and wife in bed.
The story - Husband rolls over to wife and taps her in the shoulder.
Wife says "Not tonight sweetheart I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning".
Five minutes elapses - Husband rolls over again and taps wife on more...
Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
Your momma is so fat when you tell her she has something on her chin she asks which one